[No offence is meant by this article. Don't read it if you're easily offended. You were warned! I just want to get some things off my chest]

I start off by writing this blog in a beautiful part of Scotland. I really should be happy in such a nice part of the world, and I would be if it weren't for the tosser coughing every twenty seconds in the room next door. I can't tell whether it's a nervous cough or whether he's got the flu, but he's been coughing in there for hours, and that's been the pattern for the last month. Get a drink of water for f*ck's sake! My brain sub-consciously has taken over listening out for the next cough, and it's driving me crazy! And as I finish this paragraph, there is an ad-libbed groan like 'errrggh' after every cough. Hope he hasn't got bird flu. Anyway, this is one annoyance on a large (and growing) list of pet peeves I have with every-day life.

I'm pretty chilled out most of the time, but some things really get my heckles up.

Like I don't mind my brother using my toothpaste, but at least put back on the top. It's not rocket science! When I come to use the frigging stuff, it's dried into a white imperial mint-like residue, so I end up having to throw the tube away.

I don't mind my brother borrowing my (rather nice) coat. But I do mind if he f*cking smokes whilst wearing it! News flash bro', it's not a smoking jacket! If you're gonna do that, then buy your own on which to smudge nicotine stains.

Or like the stinky bastard who brings in the most pungent garlic-laden sandwich possible into the office, and sits there chomping away whilst the rest of his team recoils in disgust. I mean I like garlic too; it's a healthy food and it's good for your heart, but I think people who bring in that type of food purposely want to piss people off. Or don't mind making enemies of people who were once good friends.

Or like the people who seem to think they have the right-of-way at roundabouts. I can't count the number of times some arse has pulled out in front of me as I pass their entrance onto the roundabout. If you are one of those people, stop it! I can't tell you how much it winds drivers up. It is our right of way, after all. We're already on the f*cking roundabout! We'll be off it in a second or two! So just be patient.

I don't watch much current affairs these days either. The news programmes seem to revel in the misery of other people. Surely there are good things happening in the world? The worse the story, the better! You can see it in the eyes of the newsreader. Some poor bugger has just been ripped apart by an explosion! The newsreader is chomping at the bit to tell you. And I find it amusing just how many times they use the word 'allegedly'. Very amusing. They are reporting on things that may or may not be true. Great for them. They've just caused some more misery for a possibly innocent person, but what the hell, it pulled in the viewers didn't it? I also hate the way that each sentence has too long a pause in between, to try...and emphasise....the misery....of the situation. You just watch 'em do that next time you switch on the news.

Haha, oh yeah! Not to mention the veritable orgasm news agencies are currently enjoying with climate change. Sea levels are rising! Ooooh, yes! Parts of the world are suffering major drought unlike any seen in history. Ooh yes, harder baby, harder! The Atlantic Conveyor that pulls warm air up over the UK could soon be switched off due to the amount of freshwater melt coming down from the Arctic. Oooh yeaah, ooh yeeeah, I'm there! It's a bit late to worry about it now don't you think? Governments should have done something about it in the sixties when scientists first warned of the dangers. Never mind, if the UK is going to be warmer in the future, that's great! Good weather for motorbiking. I think Britain deserves a few weeks more of sunshine every year. We might not go mental on our holidays on the Costa Del Sol then. In fact, it'll be too hot to go to Spain.

I also hate the constant Z-list celebrity coverage that seems to make up 90% of the TV these days. Some Big Brother reject tosser has just bought himself a £800,000 Bugatti Veyron. Well done, mate! 57,999,900 people in the UK who can't afford such luxuries feel much happier knowing that. We'll all sleep better knowing that you're revelling in luxury bestowed upon you for acting like a knob on national TV, and pulling in some extra viewers. Get a proper job. The whole celebrity thing seems like a very selfish vocation to me.

Talking of Big Brother, any small respect I had for Jade Goody went out of the window after the tirade she threw at Shilpa Shetty. It was totally uncalled for. I can't think of any good reason for it. Great advert for the UK! Well done, mate! Class act! The one positive thing about Celebrity Big Brother is that the programme often exposes the real person behind the celebrity, and you can see them for the vacuous person they are.

The majority of my peeves are down to the apparent lack of respect or thought that some people seem to have for their fellow man. Manners don't cost nothing do they? The rules are simple. Treat other people with respect and 99 times out of a 100, you'll get it back, and more, probably.

Good night. Take care of yourself, and each other (thanks for that, Mr. Springer).